On Anthony

When Leonard Cohen died I cried. When Gord Downie died I cried for a good portion of the day. I grieved, and still grieve, their music is so intertwined with memories from more than half of my life. But with both of them, I knew their passings were on the horizon. Leonard Cohen was in his mid-80s, Gord Downie was battling brain cancer.

But when I got the news about Anthony Bourdain, it hit me like no celebrity death has ever hit me before. I felt like I got punched in the gut. I became a crumpled mess of sobs and ugly tears. I can't talk about him without borderline sobbing.

I was introduced to Anthony Bourdain, like most people I know, through No Reservations. It was the early 2000s, he was a crass, chainsmoking, sometimes dickish host of a show that sucked me in like no other. There was something about him that I found appealing: he was sexy, smart, and an amazing listener. Maybe it was his no fucks given attitude that I wish my tightly wound self could be more like.

I didn't get to see as many episodes of Parts Unknown due to a lack of a cable subscription, but when I did, it was like reuniting with an old friend, that one you've not seen in years, but that didn't matter because you picked up right where you left off. Like time hadn't passed. Yet time had. He seemed to have mellowed, like a good whiskey, but still has that bite that I always loved.

Others have written much more eloquently about his empathy, how he let others tell the story of their culture, country, and cuisine so much better than I ever will, so I'm not even going to try.

The world is a little less without your Mr. Bourdain. You will forever be missed and loved by those you knew best, and those whose lives you touched yet never met. I hope we can do your memory justice.

The Thing About Anxiety...

...is you never know when you're going to get smacked upside the head with an attack. One minute you'll be hanging out doing your thing, the next moment you want to crawl into a hole because the tiniest little thought turned into a nightmare that you can't shake.

Back in January I had these grand plans of updating my blog on a weekly basis. It's now the middle of March and I've posted how many times?

Early February I got slammed with one of the longest bouts of anxiety I think I've ever experienced. It was a daily battle not only to get out of bed, but to make it through the day without losing my shit in front of my students. (Wouldn't that endear me to them? Bawling without being able to tell them why. Ha!)

More so than any other anxiety bout, this time everything seemed extra difficult, heavy. Even my knitting, which has been the one thing I could count on to help pull me out of it or at least ensure I didn't fall deeper into the hole wasn't doing it. I'm grateful I didn't completely stop knitting, but there was a definite slowdown.

Normally it takes me a little over a week to knit up a hat, taking into account the pattern, yarn weight, and the ability to get a seat on the train during my commute. The hat I just finished for Habibi took me over a month. That's the norm when I'm knitting for myself, but for him? Practically unheard of. That's how I knew things were bad.

Thankfully, with the improved weather and more sunlight, I'm finally coming out of it. But it's always there, in the back of my mind, waiting to strike. The only thing I can do when it does, is to battle it back with my two pointy sticks.

Like Pulling Teeth

I'm so bad at knitting for myself.  I always think I want to make myself something, but when I get started on a project it takes me months to finish it.

Case in point, this cowl.

I started it back in December and just finished it yesterday. It was a slow and painful process. I never wanted to work on it, when I did I couldn't get into the groove. I nearly did a happy dance when I bound off the last stitch, but since I was at the library I think that would have been frowned upon.

There are a lot of knitters out there who can knit for themselves, honestly I'm a bit jealous. I just can't, if I'm not knitting for someone it's never going to get finished.

Now that the cowl's finally finished, I'm itching get this new yarn wound so I can make Habibi two new hats.

Because a knitter's love can never have enough hats.

Wining the LYS Lottery

A couple Saturdays ago, Habibi and I ventured out to Home Depot to pick up some things stuff we needed for the apartment. On our way there he spotted a yarn shop that we hadn't seen before and decided to check it out.

When we walked into Slip Stitch Needlecraft it was obvious they've already outgrown their cozy, welcoming space. Yarn was everywhere, cubbyholes, shelves, boxes full of new yarn all over the floor waiting to find a home. In talking with Claudette, the owner, she told us they're already looking to move to a bigger location down the street, which is a testament to their success.

Yes, they're the same colorway. 

Claudette is a lively, outgoing woman, originally from Jamaica. In talking with her you can feel just how much she loves what she does, her customers, and the neighborhood. While there Habibi and I saw how she made sure to welcome everyone who came into the store, check to see if they needed help, and spent time getting to know them, not just as customers, but as neighbors.

It can be tough to find a local yarn shop (LYS) that you can really click with. The last one I loved going to on a regular basis was when I was still living in DC (Stitch DC), and didn't ever really find one when I moved back to Buffalo, even though are quite a few. So finding Slip Stitch Needlecraft is like winning the LYS lottery.

Claudette and her shop are great additions to the Bed-Stuy neighborhood of Brooklyn. I can't wait to go back and see what new yarn goodies they'll have when I do.

Reflections on 2015

When there's a death at the end of the year (Mew crossed the Rainbow Bridge on Christmas Eve) and one is working through grief it can be all too easy to be sucked into the Swamp of Sadness and lose sight of all of the good things that happened throughout the year.

Since Christmas, I've been struggling to remember all the good things that happened this year. So to help pull myself out of my sadness, I spent some time looking at my calendar to jog my memory of all the things that happened this year. 

January - involved a lot of food and drinks with friends. What is it about winter that makes us eat so much?

Best Ethiopian food is at West Side Bazaar.

February - Queen City Roller Girls bouts. If you ever make it up to Buffalo during derby season, you have to go. It's one of the many things I miss about living up there. 

March - a trip to NYC to see my beloved. 

April - camping trip to Allegany State Park. I swear New York has some of the best state parks in the country. 

A little bit of paradise in WNY. 

May - a life changing move from Buffalo to Brooklyn to be with my Habibi. 

This view never grows old.

June - Habibi surprised me with a trip to to Coney Island for my 40th birthday. It was one of the best birthdays ever.

Best view of Coney Island is from the top of the ferris wheel.

July - most weekends were spent at the beach. Yes, NYC has great access to the Atlantic Ocean.

If I could live at the beach I would.

August - a trip to West Point Academy to see my oldest nephew inducted as a freshman, I'm a proud proud auntie.

September - Habibi's Mamma came to visit. She and I spent the day in Central Park to see a glimpse of Pope Francis. 

It's the Pope!

October - Habibi and I went to San Fransiciso for import.io's huge data conference. Its a city we both love and can't wait to go back.

One of the highlights, getting to hear Andrew Ng talk.

November - A much needed weekend away with extended family at Thanksgiving.

December - a job offer for a teaching job I really wanted, stoked for it to start January 4th. 

If you're having a rough end to 2015, go look at your own calendar and see all the good things that happened. It can be little things, coffee with friends or big trips to places you've never been. 

It's important to remember that even when we're dealing with grief that there are good things all around us. We just need to take the time to see it. 

Hugs For Your Head & Soul

If you've seen my Instagram page, it may come as no surprise that I just finished another hat for Habibi a couple days ago.

I've been teased by the number of hats I've made for him this past year (five, which to me doesn't seem like that many).

"How many hats does he need?" my Mom often likes to joke.

I have knit up a couple hats for neighbors, so they've not all been for Habibi!

I lean towards knitting hats because they're quick, easily portable, and when finished are like a hug for your head. It just happens to be an added bonus that Habibi is a huge fan of them. (Honestly, I'm glad he likes hats more than socks, I've tried making socks, I have One Sock Syndrome like no other knitter I know).

But I think the biggest reason why I knit hats more than anything else is that I find the process of making hats calming in a way I've yet to find in other projects. Knitting hats is like cuddling up with a security blanket, especially when my anxiety rears its ugly head.

When I'm knitting I don't think about anything else other than the stitch I'm on. I have to focus on where I am and what comes next. The repetitive nature of counting which stitch I'm on is very meditative in nature.

It's one of the reasons I tend to stick with the same patterns when my anxiety flares up. The familiarity is comfortable, calming. After knitting a pattern more than once, I often don't have to look at the pattern, allowing me to focus only on what's in my hands. Everything else falls away, during these moments of knitting my mind is calm, not racing as it normally does. I'm not thinking and worrying about all the things that could go/are wrong.

Anxiety sucks, there have been days since Mew's illness where it's been tough to get out of bed or leave the house because my anxiety over her well-being and future were off the charts. Knitting gave me much needed breaks from it all when it all felt like too much to bear. 

So if my love of knitting hats means Habibi could open his own hat store in the next year or two because his hat collection has gotten so big, the so be it. He'll have the best hat collection of anyone in Brooklyn. 

Hats made with love, fueled by anxiety, and mini hugs for his head.  

Arm Knitting: Fad or New Standard?

Have you jumped on the arm knitting train? It's been pretty popular the past two years, but does it have the longevity to become part of the standard knitting repertoire?

Knitting projects can take anywhere from a few hours to a few months, or longer, depending on the amount of time you have in your schedule as well the complexity of the project. I'm all about the hat because they can be knit up relatively fast (I've a post coming out later this week on my love of hats).

(I've been taking a MOOC via Coursera on social media marketing. The class I'm currently enrolled in is on Engaging and Nurturing Marketing Strategies and one of our assignments is to create a blog post about trends we see in our target market area. So this post is a combination of assignment and update.)

I'm not going to lie, I've avoided the arm knitting craze for a while now, big, bulky yarns and scarves just aren't my thing. But since the weather as the weather's starting to get colder and I'm seeing more and more women wearing arm knit scarves and cowls, I thought that it'd be a good time to revisit the arm knitting craze.

A while back Wall Street Journal published an article by Rachel Dodes, entitled "Millennial Knitters Embrace Arm Knitting" in which she discusses the popularity of arm knitting among the Millennials. Ms. Dodes talks about its acceptance in the knitting community, where its origins may lie, as well as the frustrations some new arm knitters face during the learning process. Ms. Dodes provides excellent insight on the topic for those who fall on either side of the debate.

Image courtesy of Flax & Twine 

The second article I found was a post on Karen Templer's blog, Fringe Association, entitled "The moment my anti-"arm knitting" resolve crumbled." In it she discusses how she refused to get sucked into the arm knitting craze until one day while she was out came across the book Knitting Without Needles while out and about. After spending some time looking at the book, then the author's website, her opinion began to change and succumbed to the craze.

What do you think? Does being able to have a project done in an hour or less negatively impact the craft?

Or does arm knitting open knitting up to a new audience?  

Tell me what you think in the comments, or pop by my Twitter account and tell me your thoughts.